Bulgaria: Hockey? We don't need no Stinking Hockey!

I was choosing between topics to write about today. There is a lot of stuff to talk about these days in sports. Shawn Merriman is out for the season (Good news for the Broncos next week). Lance Armstrong will most likely be back in next years (Bigger Comeback Brett Favre? I'll show you). Or I could have followed the Wednesday theme of describing how much i dislike Matt Leinart. However, this story i read today was so inconceivable, I just had to write about it. 

There is no word in the English language (or Bulgarian for that matter) that could describe what a monstrosity the Bulgarian women's national hockey team was for the olympic qualifiers. Bulgaria had some bad games, but the game against Slovakia the other night blew my mind to a whole other level. The Slovakian women beat the Bulgarians 82-0.

Let me repeat that, because I feel your not taking the journey with me...

The Bulgarians lost 82-0 in a hockey game. Yes, hockey! Where goals come in intervals of 1. There are no 3 pointers in hockey, you do not get special privilege for scoring from a distance. A slaughter in hockey is when a team loses around 7-0. The Bulgarians were down 7-0 after the first 5 minutes of a 60 minute game. The Slovakians averaged a goal every 44 seconds. How does this occur? So "Life as a Hyperbole" did some investigatory journalism to find out just how something like that could possibly happen.

Bulgaria is a country of around 7 million people. Of these 7 million people there is a registered 37 women that play ice hockey for Bulgaria. Which raises question number one; Who the hell got cut from this team? I understand that hockey is most definitely not top priority in Bulgaria. I even understand that Bulgarians don't care much about ice hockey in terms of what sports they play. However, isn't there some way people can teach these poor girls? My column today was to make fun of someone. I cannot, within the depths of my heart make fun of these women.

After the first period the score was 31-0. Three things here need to be thought about here. One, what could you possibly say as the Bulgarian coach to these women? "We'll get those 31 goals back". I wouldn't know what to say. Second what would you say if you were the Slovakian coach? "Keep doing what your doing". Your tearing these poor girls spirits to shreds, ease up just a bit! Finally, what do you say if your the referee? "Um, Vladmir? Should, uh, we call this thing or what?" YES! For the love of all that is good in this world stop the game!

My heart goes out to the Bulgarians for this tournament. The women let up 192 goals while scoring one for the whole tournament. The flag that Bulgaria waived proudly (especially for rowing at the olympics) looked more like a surrender flag in this tournament.

There is no good news for this game. There is one positive, though. In 1998 South Korea did beat Thailand 92-0. So Bulgarians GAA was a bit better than that. So i mean, there was something quasi positive about this game. Ok, not really, but I tried

Bulgarian athletics, I know you have many sports you would rather focus on. However, could you put just a tad bit more emphasis on your hockey programs? I have a wonderful colleague in my Communication department from Bulgaria named Nadia, and now I have to bag on her for several days because of this fiasco of a game. So please, for my dear friend Nadia's sake, put some more emphasis on your hockey program so that it won't make national news. 

Oh, and Nadia, if your reading this... I promise this is the last story about Bulgaria. Unless they lose this bad again. Even then, i don't think I could stomach writing another column like this...